I think I’ve visited what I believe is the real spiritual threshold (as per Steiner’s description of it in How to Know Higher Worlds and The First Class), or at least a tiny part of the threshold, a couple of times by now.
I know I was only able to do this by preparing my soul through spiritual practices. It would have been impossible otherwise.
I have visited the threshold through extensive thought and reflection on myself (my virtues and defects). And I mean extensive. Like, sitting down for half-an-hour or more and FACING myself for who I really am. Recognizing myself. Accepting myself. Not many people know how to do this… There is too much pride, too much ego that must be set aside.
Such is the process for me at this point in time.
Every time I have done this, I end up feeling this overwhelming sense of LACK and darkness… And I am reduced to tears. And then I come back.
Back to superficiality… Only, I’m a little changed.
This is how I know I’m not ready to fully and consciously cross over into the spiritual worlds, like Steiner and the rest of the Masters were known to do. My soul is not yet strong enough to break through that feeling of lack and of darkness.
Then there’s the #Dragon.
That horrid, large, serpent-like floating beast with poisonous fangs the size of my arms that leak black venom from the tips and red evil eyes and spiked scales that protrude from its slithering body… That beast that hangs around me day and night, night and day… And who is nothing but my own self, my own evil personified and manifested psychologically in my mind’s eye.
I will not say the Dragon has spoken to me. It has not. I will not even say that I have witnessed this spiritual entity or being fully for an extended amount of time, for I have not.
But I will say this… The same way I’ve taken my first baby steps out on the threshold, the Dragon has also taken baby steps to approach ME.
Once as a face on the wall. Just a face.
The second time (not too long ago actually) as a full-fledged corporeal figure… that I have described above.
It was a flash. Gone in a second.
But it was real… And it was detailed.
I wasn’t afraid. The strange thing was that I wasn’t afraid! I always thought I would be. But then again, this was only just a glimpse, an introduction of sorts. I know that.
I know this is only the beginning of the threshold. I know there’s more, much more, to confront down this path.
After witnessing a glimpse of my personal Evil, I became very unbalanced for a couple of weeks… Depressive, combative, self-destructive, coupled with the fact that I wasn’t even sure if what I had seen was real or if I was deliberately making myself insane. I’m back to normal now, thank God. All is stabilized again.
The Guardian of the Threshold.
The threshold and the guardian.
They are inseparable.
I have shared this experience with my husband only… Who became very thoughtful after he listened to me. He questioned me once, asking me if perhaps what I had seen was not an elemental… But he dropped the question as soon as it left his lips. No elemental that he knows of has that shape and size.
I did not want to share this publicly, but decided, on impulse, that I should. I should because people should know… Or at least, those people interested in this phenomena and in the spiritual path laid out by Steiner should know the following:
I am an individual with many defects, and yet I DO strive to sincerely seek for the Spirit, day in and day out. I am a sinner saved by Christ’s Grace… And I am an occultist and a student of Steiner’s.
And this is what has happened to me.
The path is real… As real as you’re willing to make it. There are dangers, yes. Perils of the Soul-World that must be overcome. But there is also so much Light.
The way is open to anyone whose will is sincere