Los susurros invisibles


Estoy segura de que anoche me enfrenté a alguna clase de espíritu, de esos que caminan sobre el techo de tu casa, buscando un lugar donde entrar para atormentarte.

Todo comenzó cuando me desperté a la una de la mañana y no me pude volver a dormir. Me llené de rencores extraños que había acumulado durante el día, y mi mente no los dejaba ir. Es más, los incrementaba y los desnudaba de toda razón. No podía conciliar el sueño, pero tampoco estaba totalmente en vela. Estaba en ese extraño mundo de por medio, en donde no estás ni despierto ni dormido, y los sueños se mezclan con los pensamientos para construir una extraña y oscura realidad.

En ese estado aluciné muchas cosas, entre ellas que había cambiado mi alarma para más tarde, para poder dormir más y no levantarme temprano a escribir, como es mi rutina usualmente. El espíritu no quería que me despertara temprano, seguramente. Dicen que el diablo habita en la cama.

Luego, sucedieron cosas peores. Comenzaron las pesadillas. El rencor que había nutrido en esas horas de la madrugada se transformó en algo verdaderamente demoníaco. Soné que estaba humillando a una persona por una rabia inmensa que traía encima contra ella. Le pegaba, le insultada, no la dejaba hablar ni defenderse. Hasta que la persona se fue. Por fin se escapó de mis garras.

A las 5:30am sonó mi alarma, a la misma hora de todos los días. Desperté de ese sueño horrible, y en ese momento creí escuchar unos pasos sobre el techo de mi casa. El día amaneció triste, nublado, y yo con el corazón pesado después de haber pasado una noche cargada junto a las tempestades nocturnas. El rencor que tenía encima no lo quiero volver a sentir jamás. Era algo tan venenoso, tan serpentil.

Nuestra perrita tampoco durmió bien, se la pasaba despertándonos a cada hora, casi desesperada. Cuando amaneció, se calmó. Y yo también. Me desperté, practiqué mi meditación vespertina, y me puse a escribir. Como lo hago todas las mañanas. Y aquí estoy.

Que si realmente fue un espíritu, o simplemente una mala noche, no lo sé. El día sigue nublado, y yo me siento pesada, cansada, exhausta después de haber soportado tanta rabia y tanto rencor.

Ojalá llueva más tarde, y que el agua se lleve todos esos malos sentimientos y pensamientos, y que limpie nuestro hogar de cualquier intruso invisible que busqué divertirse en sus horas de vigilia con nuestras psiquis susceptibles.

Prenderé un incienso, solo por si acaso. De algo debe servir.

Full Moon in Pisces

full moon

On September 6th the full moon will be in the sign of Pisces. I’m a believer that the signs can sway human behavior, but not define it. I also find it quite magical to follow the phases of the moon and see what sign they are at in their new and full phases.

The new moon is usually representative of the lunar energy when it is just beginning, and the full moon is representative of the lunar energy at its peak. So the full moon is a perfect time to set intentions and connect with these cosmic energies that are greater than ourselves. New moons, on the other hand, are ideal for letting go of everything that no longer serves you, to be washed away by the night.

Pisces is a water sign. It’s the sign of communication, compassion, and gentleness. As such, this full moon could be a chance for us to reconnect with the softer side of ourselves that we have perhaps been neglecting.

I always like doing little rituals during the new and full moon, it makes those nights more special. An example of a ritual could be something so simple as lighting a candle, giving thanks to God or the universe for all the blessings in your life, and saying a small prayer of reverence to pour out some positive energy into the world.

You can also take advantage of the full moon to set some intentions and goals for your life, such as being kinder and more patient, or anything else that you would like to see accomplished or manifested. Whatever you decide to do, may it be a magical night.

Happy Full Moon everybody ❤



How I overcame my Night Terrors/Sleep Paralysis

sleep paralysis

I want to share this experience in case anyone has suffered or is suffering from something similar to sleep paralysis and/or night terrors, and explain how I managed to solve this problem without the intervention of any psychiatric treatment.

Let’s start from the beginning.

I was 13 years old when it first happened. I’ll never forget it. It was night-time, I was tucked inside the covers of my bed, on my way to sleep, dozing off… and suddenly I felt it. A complete body lockdown. My mind was awake—fully conscious, fully aware—but my body was completely asleep. My eyes were a little bit open, so I could see the room around me. I tried moving my arms, nothing. My legs, nothing. I began to panic… I even thought I was dying at one point.

And then they came.

Several dwarf-sized creatures with black bodies, bright eyes and big mouths with white, sharp teeth appeared out of nowhere and started dancing around my bed, laughing at me, mocking me, making fun of the fact that I couldn’t move my body. They’d jump on the bed and get really close to me, without actually touching me, and then jump back off.

I started screaming… and no sound came out. I couldn’t scream with my voice, my body wouldn’t respond to my will, but I could hear myself scream in my own mind, and this seemed to trigger the creatures. One of them jumped on top of the desk in front of my bed and set a Bible on fire. It wasn’t a physical Bible… it was the Image of a Bible that the fucking black creature conjured up, a red book that had BIBLE written on it in golden letters on its cover. He set fire to it and then just stared at me, smiling, with its huge mouth and pointy teeth.

I was desperate at this point. I tried screaming again, hoping it would work this time and that my yells would attract my parents to my room who would somehow save me from this… but once again, the screams were only in my mind. I was alone with these creatures… totally and utterly alone.

Panicking, I willed and willed and willed myself to move, but nothing happened. The creatures were getting rowdier. They were running around the room laughing and dancing around the burning Bible. Feeling totally helpless, and not knowing what would happen, I surrendered to everything and started to pray. I started repeating the Lord’s Prayer in my mind over and over again, like a mantra.

The creatures continued laughing, but I didn’t stop praying. I repeated this for several minutes… until finally I started hearing a ringing in my ears, and in one violent jerking motion I felt myself being ripped out of my body upwards, and into an altered state of consciousness.

I was no longer in my room, but I didn’t feel like I was in a dream, either. Everything felt way too conscious for a dream. I was in a dark space, and there were several grown men and women with white and red robes holding scribes of different sizes in their hands walking around the dark space. One by one, all of them slowly began to fade away… and then a curtain opened up, and I could see a bright white Light… and in the center of this white Light I saw a large figure on a throne… but I couldn’t see his face.

The figure on the throne spoke to me, and I’m hesitant to say it spoke about Love. Because it sounds insane, no? This meeting with the being that I don’t want to name right now for fear of sounding delusional. Anyways, it spoke to me about Love, and it pulled me closer to him, closer to the throne he was sitting on. It also spoke to me about my life, about what I would live in the future (remember I was only 13 at the time). I don’t remember his exact words, but only the general feeling. And the general feeling was of the greatest possible comfort, of the greatest possible reassurance and safety and Love.

And then I woke up. It was morning.

This was the first and only time I had a meeting with a Higher Being after one of these night terror episodes. A meeting of this kind has never happened to me again, but for the next three years, the sleep paralysis continued.

I started experiencing them once or twice a week. It was always different creatures, or terrors, that came. That was the worst thing, I just didn’t know what to expect or what would show up.

Fortunately I had developed some resistance after that first episode. If I willed my body to move for long enough… if I thought to myself: I am GOING to move my arm… I’m going to do it I’m going to do it I’m going to do it… then after several minutes of what felt like excruciating mental effort, my arm would move… and the minute my physical body woke up, the creatures disappeared. Sometimes I had to go through this two or three times a night, forcing my body awake, before finally being able to fall asleep the regular way. Other times my mind would simply shut down from the shock of these images and I would fall asleep in the middle of the hallucinations.

One time I saw hooded figures hovering above me. Their robes would float in mid-air, their faces hidden in the shadows of their hoods. These creatures would be completely silent, totally still. And then all of a sudden, one of them would dive towards my body in an accelerated motion, and at the last possible second it would swerve away. And then another hooded figure would do this, and another and another, until I was being attacked by them from all sides.

Another time I saw green tazmanian-like devils with sharp extremities that were really, really fast, and had a screeching, high-pitched voice. They were small and mean, and threatened to cut me up into little pieces with their razor-like claws.

Probably the worst image I saw was that of a dead, rotting donkey carcass, split open in half, lying next to me on my bed. Inside the donkey’s carcass… was my Mother’s dead, naked, pale body… rotting as well, her eyes open, staring directly at me. There were flies and worms and guts lying all over my bed… the combined guts of both my mother and the donkey.

It was torture, guys.

It was absolute torture.

Nevertheless, I think it’s important to state none of these creatures actually touched me. Ever. Not one single of the many creatures ever actually touched my body during these hallucinations.
I remember I used to prepare myself before going to sleep in case I got sleep paralysis that night. I would take deep breaths and mentally prepare myself to bear the hallucinations, whatever they may be this time.

I suffered this from the ages of 13 to 16. I never told my parents or anyone else about it. I didn’t trust anyone to understand. I didn’t understand myself! I thought I was turning schizophrenic and that if I said anything to any grown-up, they would make me go on pills, or lock me up, or study me, or something.

At 16, I finally made a breakthrough in solving this problem. I was studying esoterism, and came across the description somewhere of the Astral creatures that live in between the waking and sleeping states. Creatures like sucubuses and incubuses (although I never saw anything I could define as either one of those), and more.

When I came to the realization that these creatures I was seeing during my sleep paralysis episodes might be actual Astral entities and not the result of early-onset Schizophrenia, I started thinking of ways I could ward off these entities. While doing so, I remembered my first experience with sleep paralysis, and how I was yanked out of my body and into the presence of the bright being of Light, and how secure and safe I felt in its presence. This gave me an idea.

Every night before going to sleep, I would imagine a white bright Light emanating from my center outwards, from my heart outwards. I would submerge myself in the feeling that I was surrounded by protective entities of light, that I was safe and secure in their bosom, that I was taken care of, and that nothing could harm me.
What I was doing was effectively replicating the feeling I had in the meeting with the great being of Light on his throne, the meeting that had saved me from my first experience with the night terrors. I would re-create that feeling within me and submerge myself in the imagination of the white Light for a long time… and then I would fall asleep.

I did this every night. At first, the night terrors and sleep paralysis continued, but after a few weeks of keeping up with this practice, the hallucinations gradually started wearing off, until they stopped completely, and my sleep paralysis disappeared. I kept up with that practice for a few months longer, as a safety measure, and then I stopped. The creatures didn’t come back.

I still get sleep paralysis about once a year (at most), but pretty much without any kind of hallucination.

Looking back on this experience, I know there are a variety of possibilities to explain what I was seeing. I could have been experiencing some form of atavistic clairvoyance. The creatures and everything else I saw could have just been part of my shadow self.

Or, as I thought when I was 16, they could be real astral entities fucking with my mind in that in-between state of consciousness, just because they could. Actual demons psychologically tormenting me for whatever reason.

Whatever it was, it’s long over, thank god.

If anyone here has gone through something similar, or has a kid that’s going through something similar… bear in mind, in case you want to try it, that what finally relieved my suffering from night terrors and sleep paralysis was imagining a bright white light emanating from the heart outwards before going to sleep every night, combined with a feeling of trust in the protection of the Higher Powers.

My Esoteric Education, How I became and Anthroposophist, and How to Know Higher Worlds 

It’s one of those nights again where I can’t get any sleep. I’ve been thinking about this lately and decided to use this time under the disappointingly clouded night-sky to type it all down. Heeereeee it goes:

I was re-introduced to esoterism at the age of 14. I say reintroduced because I’m sure I’ve studied it before, in my past lives. I was raised Protestant Christian (my mother’s influence on the household) in a Catholic country, with a non-practicing Catholic father. I grew up religious. I read a lot of fantasy books growing up, a lot of epic novels. I played a lot of sports (still do so). I was a normal kid with a happy, healthy life.

The shift came when my first boyfriend lent me a few of his books on Metaphysics.

There was one fundamental idea in those books that changed the way I looked at things, and it was this: There’s another reality beyond the physical reality that we can approach in the form of ideas, and when we engage with these ideas, new neural pathways are formed in the brain, which in turn influences how we behave, which directly affects our reality. In other words, our thoughts create our reality.

He also lent me a book called The Kybalion: Hermetic Philosophy about the seven principles of existence. The Kybalion was authored by the “Three Initiates” (whoever they are), and its seven principles of existence are:

1. Mentalism: The ALL is MIND—The Universe is mental.

2. Correspondence: As above, so below, as below so above.

3. Vibration: Nothing rests, everything moves, everything vibrates.

4. Polarity: Everything is Dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet, all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled.

5. Rhythm: Everything flows, all things rise and fall.

6. Cause and Effect: Every Cause has its Effect; every Effect has its Cause; everything happens according to Law; Chance is but a name for Law not recognized; there are many planes of causation, but nothing escapes the Law.

7. Gender: Everything has its masculine and feminine principles, gender manifests on ALL planes.

I started viewing the world through the lens of these seven principles of existence and saw that it was true—these are the laws of reality.

About a year later, a friend invited me to a philosophical organization with strong theosophical inclinations. It was in this school that I was introduced to Madame Blavatsky. I read all of her Isis Unveiled, which is a torrent of information. It was during this time that I also started reading Plato and studying all different kinds of religions.

A guy from this school was studying Blavatsky’s cosmogenesis (the creation of the cosmos) from her Secret Doctrine. While doing so he had come across some research regarding Anthropogenesis (the creation of mankind) from an Austrian philosopher called Rudolf Steiner.

This guy told me that Rudolf Steiner thought that before understanding the creation of the world it was imperative that we understand the creation of man, because the cosmos is so complex that we cannot firmly grasp how it’s built before understanding ourselves first. This, he told me, was only one of the many ideological differences between Theosophy and Anthroposophy, the esoteric movement founded by Rudolf Steiner… another main difference being that Rudolf Steiner believed that man could become an initiate without necessarily having a guru to guide him every step of the way.

I was intrigued, but not enough to start my own research on the subject.

When I turned 17 I dropped out of the organization, mainly because I felt it was infringing on my freedom and because I wasn’t willing to accept their dogma. The guy who had introduced me to Rudolf Steiner also dropped out because of ideological differences. I ended up marrying him 5 years later, actually. His name is Miguel (Michael in Spanish).

Around the time I turned 18, Miguel went on a business trip to Argentina and came back with a present to me: the book An Outline of Occult Science by Rudolf Steiner.

He wasn’t studying Anthroposophy, but he saw this book on his visit to the library and was reminded of what he’d read about Steiner. He knew that Occult Science was one of Steiner’s major works, and that I had been talking a lot about human freedom and about the idea that we don’t necessarily need a guru to become enlightened, that we could find out the truth for ourselves. So Miguel bought it for me thinking I would resonate with the material.

I read it… and it was dense. Even for me, who had read Isis Unveiled. But from the little I understood, I knew something was there. And I continued to be intrigued. Very intrigued. Here was an occultist who was taking an entirely new approach to this kind of knowledge, a western approach. I had studied so much eastern spirituality that this was refreshing. This man was a scientist. He was logical, not mystical.

I read some of Steiner’s other books, including The Fifth Gospel, several times during the course of three years. I also read some of his lectures.

The understanding of Steiner’s Fifth Gospel led to a profound and very emotional return to Christianity for me, which I had abandoned at 14 when I first started studying esotericism and accepted all religions as truth. In a way, Steiner helped me rediscover my faith. But even though I admired him immensely as an occultist and I gave credit to his work for my return to Christianity, I didn’t consider myself an anthroposophist.

Then, quite accidentally, I stumbled upon a book in college that once again changed things for me entirely. I was 21 years old at the time.

I remember the class, Maritime Law. The professor was droning on and on about things that were already in the textbook, so I zoned out and started surfing the Internet with the campus’s free WiFi on my MAC while pretending to take notes.

I went to amazon.com and typed ‘Rudolf Steiner’ in the search box, and started scrolling. I saw a book with a pretty cool drawing, very impressionist in my opinion, and I clicked on it.

How to Know Higher Worlds


I googled the book. There was a free .pdf available. I started reading immediately.

The book stirred a deep vocation in me for the Spirit. This was the path! This is the manual, the guide. Finally I found it, a Path of Initiation into the Mysteries that I could follow and also profoundly understand.

And it was a noble path. The first chapter speaks of cultivating Reverence, or deep admiration for everything that is true and good and beautiful. Deep admiration for those powers and forces who are superior to us and who seek to guide us into the truth. It also speaks of loving your neighbor, of working for the world, of being of service to others.

As I said, I am a kid who grew up on stories like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, epic brave fantasy novels. This means I grew up aware of the fight of good versus evil and of the importance of heroic, virtuous acts. For me How To Know Higher Worlds is the path of the JEDI.

If I liked Rudolf Steiner before, this book took it to a whole other level. From that point on, I started downloading, buying, and reading Steiner e-books on my amazon kindle e-reader. I basically read everything on the market.

All of this led me to become an anthroposophist. Not suddenly, but gradually, after prolonged thought and inner questioning about whether this was the philosophy I wanted to follow the rest of my life. And it was. I remember the day I declared it to myself: “I am an anthroposophist”.

I have read HTKHW easily more than 15 times in the span of the last 4 years (I am 25 now). I pick it up and read through it about every four months or so.

The book feels different every time I pick it up. Or I’m in a different mood, or something. Sometimes I read new sections with an expanded comprehension. Other times I unravel things I hadn’t understood, or thought I understood but really didn’t. One time, even, I read over an entire three pages of information that I had totally glazed over before. And good information, too, about the etheric currents surrounding our bodies and hands.

My relationship with this book keeps evolving. I follow the exercises, but not perfectly. There’s a part in the book where Steiner says that what matters isn’t that we’re perfect, but that we always have the intention of striving towards the Spirit and of working on ourselves honestly. That’s what I try to do, every day.

As for the clairvoyance?

Well, there’s another part in the book where it says that if we still don’t understand what we’re seeing, then the less we try to define it to ourselves or explain it to others, the better. That way we don’t form judgments and our mind remains flexible for when we absorb more information in the future, and start seeing the whole picture and are able to understand it all.

Also, the desire for clairvoyance, to want to be clairvoyant just for the sake of seeing stuff in the spiritual worlds, is a selfish desire and the higher powers constantly retreat from it. In other words, the more you want it, the more you’ll be denied it. You have to focus on the exercises because you want to develop yourself and be of service to the world. The clairvoyance is secondary.

As a hypothetical example, let’s say that I possess some form of clairvoyance, however rudimentary or dim. If I admitted it publicly it would serve little more than boasting, and the emotion behind this boasting would be pride. As a result of this pride, the perception would retreat. Perhaps for days, even weeks. That’s just how it works.

If I could condense the entire practical wisdom of this book in 4 exercises, they would be the following:

1. OBSERVATION: Observe yourself and others. Detach yourself from your opinions and study the world as objectively as possible.

2. MEDITATION: Retreat into the spiritual worlds. Make time in your day where you separate the essential from the inessential, the transcendental (Spirit) versus the untrascendental (Form).

3. CONTEMPLATION: Think about your actions, your feelings, and your thoughts. Judge yourself fairly, from a third person perspective. If you can’t judge yourself with honesty, how will you grow?

4. REVERENCE: Devotion to higher forces, concepts, principles, truths. Continuous attention and focus on everything virtuous and worthy of respect.

There are also practical exercises like the observation of plants, stones, animals, sounds, conversations, and human activity to develop clairvoyant faculties, as well as an in-depth explanation of all of the soul qualities necessary to develop the throat and heart chakras so that they start rotating and we can actively participate in greater currents of energy. The Buddha’s eightfold path actually fully develops one of these two chakras, I can’t remember which.

In conclusion, How To Know Higher Worlds is not only my favorite book, but also the one that has had the most impact in my life as a spiritual seeker, and definitely the book that led me to declaring myself an anthroposophist. It is the manual that I hope to continue to use until the moment of my death, and I hope to absorb and interiorize as many truths from it as possible to take with me to my next life.

I’m starting to realize other people don’t necessarily think the same way I do. I know this sounds foolish, but it’s the truth. For example, I’m starting to realize that maybe some people don’t even think about their next lives, or what they want to take over from this life into the next one. For some people the term ‘occultism’ might even cause discomfort. Or pupilhood, or initiates or even mysteries.

Since I spent my entire adolescence familiarizing myself with these terms, and also terms like guru, master and discipleship; terms taken out of the traditional esoteric schools of wisdom that originated in ancient times, these terms don’t cause me any kind of discomfort, but I’m starting to emotionally understand that others might have different approaches to this. So I ask you to please try to understand from my point of view what it was like, just like I will try to understand yours.

In contrast, Steiner’s whole approach to esotericism initially struck me as very ‘laissez-faire’. But it was a difference that I quickly grew to love as I became more aware of what initiation meant on the western path. Just to illustrate –

This was my experience of the concept of initiation with theosophy:

Teacher: The only path of initiation into the mysteries is through a guru, through the path of discipleship. Blavatsky had her gurus, Koot Hoomi and Lord Moria, and we have to work on ourselves and wait patiently for a master to appear and lead the way.

This was my experience of the concept of initiation with anthroposophy:

Steiner: Hey, girl. You’ve been reading through my stuff and I’ve noticed you’re interested in the path of initiation into the mysteries. Want some tools so you can get to know them yourself?

Me: Yeah! Cool!

Steiner: Okay. I’m going to tell you because you deserve it. But you have to use this knowledge for good and not for selfish reasons. And I’m not your master. I won’t ever tell you what to do, that’s up to you. But I am your friend. (introduces How To Know Higher Worlds)

Me: Wow. Thanks, you rock.

And the book slowly started to change things. Which I will not go into now.

As to my status as an ‘occult pupil’, or an active seeker of the Spirit, or an aspirant to the mysteries, or an esoteric scholar, or a JEDI, or you get what I’m saying… as to how I’m doing in THAT field…

I’m one of the kids in the back of the room getting into trouble instead of focusing on the class, which is such a shame because I could be an A+ student but instead I’m just scraping by with C’s. That’s my status. And I’m okay with it, because hey, at least I know the material well enough that I’m not flunking.

An Angel Speaks






O if you knew how your countenance
is changed, when in the midst
of that pure gaze which can unite you with me
Your hold upon yourself is lost
And you turn away.

Just as a landscape in clear light
May suddenly cloud over, do you close
Yourself against me, and I have to wait
And wait in silence, often long.
And if I were like you a human being
The pain of disdained love would kill me.

But since the Father has given me unending patience
I wait for you unshaken
and expectant, whenever it may be you come.
And even this gentle reproach
Take not as reproach—only as a pure message.

The Behavior of Fanatics

How do fanatics behave? They want to convert people as quickly as possible, while they, as a rule, do not want to be converted.

Everybody is expected to immediately believe what the fanatics want them to believe, and they get angry when this does not happen.

– Rudolf Steiner, “The Working of Christian Rosenkreuz–Then and Today”

We are what we think

As explained by Rudolf Steiner
From the Lecture: “Behind the Scenes of External Events, part 2”

“In their souls, human beings more and more come to resemble the thought, to resemble that which they regard as knowledge. This will seem a strange truth to the modern mind, but it is so, nevertheless. (…)

For example; to regard Darwinism as the one and only valid conception of the world, believing the only possible truth to be that man descends from the animals–that I descend entirely from forces which also produce the animals… such thoughts, in our age, tend to make the soul resemble its own conceptions of itself.

When the body is discarded, the soul is then confronted with the sorry fate of having to perceive its resemblance with its own thought! A man who lives in the physical body believing that animal forces alone were at work in his evolution, fashions for himself a kind of consciousness in which he will perceive his own likeness to animal nature.

It is ordained that in times to come, what the human considers himself to BE, that he will BECOME.”


“What man thinks himself to BE, that he is obliged to BECOME… This is a truth that was destined, after the great changes in the nineteenth century, to find its way to men. The human being must be voluntarily anything that he can be really; he must be able to think about his own being if he is to be truly himself in his life of soul.”


“Spirits of darkness, who oppose Man’s destiny, inspired human beings to announce the following: ‘Man is what he eats’. And although this is not, in theory, widely acknowledged, the practical conduct of life amounts very nearly to being an acknowledgement of the principle that man is what he eats–that and nothing else.”


“If it is true that in yonder world man becomes what he has pictured himself to be, then something else is also true. For example: A man dies, leaving relatives behind him. Although thought may not be entirely lacking in these relatives, they may be materialistically minded, and then, quite inevitably, they will think either that the dead man is decaying in the grave or that what exists of him is preserved in the urn.

THIS THOUGHT IS A REAL POWER. It is an untruth. When those left behind think that the dead man is no longer there; this thought is real and actual in the souls of those who form it. And the dead man is aware of this thought-reality, is aware of its significance for him.

It is therefore a matter of fundamental importance whether those left behind cherish in their souls the thought of The Dead living on in the spiritual world, or whether they instead succumb to the woeful idea that the dead man… well, he is dead; he lies there decaying in the grave.”

– Zurich, 13 November, 1917