I want to share this experience in case anyone has suffered or is suffering from something similar to sleep paralysis and/or night terrors, and explain how I managed to solve this problem without the intervention of any psychiatric treatment.
Let’s start from the beginning.
I was 13 years old when it first happened. I’ll never forget it. It was night-time, I was tucked inside the covers of my bed, on my way to sleep, dozing off… and suddenly I felt it. A complete body lockdown. My mind was awake—fully conscious, fully aware—but my body was completely asleep. My eyes were a little bit open, so I could see the room around me. I tried moving my arms, nothing. My legs, nothing. I began to panic… I even thought I was dying at one point.
And then they came.
Several dwarf-sized creatures with black bodies, bright eyes and big mouths with white, sharp teeth appeared out of nowhere and started dancing around my bed, laughing at me, mocking me, making fun of the fact that I couldn’t move my body. They’d jump on the bed and get really close to me, without actually touching me, and then jump back off.
I started screaming… and no sound came out. I couldn’t scream with my voice, my body wouldn’t respond to my will, but I could hear myself scream in my own mind, and this seemed to trigger the creatures. One of them jumped on top of the desk in front of my bed and set a Bible on fire. It wasn’t a physical Bible… it was the Image of a Bible that the fucking black creature conjured up, a red book that had BIBLE written on it in golden letters on its cover. He set fire to it and then just stared at me, smiling, with its huge mouth and pointy teeth.
I was desperate at this point. I tried screaming again, hoping it would work this time and that my yells would attract my parents to my room who would somehow save me from this… but once again, the screams were only in my mind. I was alone with these creatures… totally and utterly alone.
Panicking, I willed and willed and willed myself to move, but nothing happened. The creatures were getting rowdier. They were running around the room laughing and dancing around the burning Bible. Feeling totally helpless, and not knowing what would happen, I surrendered to everything and started to pray. I started repeating the Lord’s Prayer in my mind over and over again, like a mantra.
The creatures continued laughing, but I didn’t stop praying. I repeated this for several minutes… until finally I started hearing a ringing in my ears, and in one violent jerking motion I felt myself being ripped out of my body upwards, and into an altered state of consciousness.
I was no longer in my room, but I didn’t feel like I was in a dream, either. Everything felt way too conscious for a dream. I was in a dark space, and there were several grown men and women with white and red robes holding scribes of different sizes in their hands walking around the dark space. One by one, all of them slowly began to fade away… and then a curtain opened up, and I could see a bright white Light… and in the center of this white Light I saw a large figure on a throne… but I couldn’t see his face.
The figure on the throne spoke to me, and I’m hesitant to say it spoke about Love. Because it sounds insane, no? This meeting with the being that I don’t want to name right now for fear of sounding delusional. Anyways, it spoke to me about Love, and it pulled me closer to him, closer to the throne he was sitting on. It also spoke to me about my life, about what I would live in the future (remember I was only 13 at the time). I don’t remember his exact words, but only the general feeling. And the general feeling was of the greatest possible comfort, of the greatest possible reassurance and safety and Love.
And then I woke up. It was morning.
This was the first and only time I had a meeting with a Higher Being after one of these night terror episodes. A meeting of this kind has never happened to me again, but for the next three years, the sleep paralysis continued.
I started experiencing them once or twice a week. It was always different creatures, or terrors, that came. That was the worst thing, I just didn’t know what to expect or what would show up.
Fortunately I had developed some resistance after that first episode. If I willed my body to move for long enough… if I thought to myself: I am GOING to move my arm… I’m going to do it I’m going to do it I’m going to do it… then after several minutes of what felt like excruciating mental effort, my arm would move… and the minute my physical body woke up, the creatures disappeared. Sometimes I had to go through this two or three times a night, forcing my body awake, before finally being able to fall asleep the regular way. Other times my mind would simply shut down from the shock of these images and I would fall asleep in the middle of the hallucinations.
One time I saw hooded figures hovering above me. Their robes would float in mid-air, their faces hidden in the shadows of their hoods. These creatures would be completely silent, totally still. And then all of a sudden, one of them would dive towards my body in an accelerated motion, and at the last possible second it would swerve away. And then another hooded figure would do this, and another and another, until I was being attacked by them from all sides.
Another time I saw green tazmanian-like devils with sharp extremities that were really, really fast, and had a screeching, high-pitched voice. They were small and mean, and threatened to cut me up into little pieces with their razor-like claws.
Probably the worst image I saw was that of a dead, rotting donkey carcass, split open in half, lying next to me on my bed. Inside the donkey’s carcass… was my Mother’s dead, naked, pale body… rotting as well, her eyes open, staring directly at me. There were flies and worms and guts lying all over my bed… the combined guts of both my mother and the donkey.
It was torture, guys.
It was absolute torture.
Nevertheless, I think it’s important to state none of these creatures actually touched me. Ever. Not one single of the many creatures ever actually touched my body during these hallucinations.
I remember I used to prepare myself before going to sleep in case I got sleep paralysis that night. I would take deep breaths and mentally prepare myself to bear the hallucinations, whatever they may be this time.
I suffered this from the ages of 13 to 16. I never told my parents or anyone else about it. I didn’t trust anyone to understand. I didn’t understand myself! I thought I was turning schizophrenic and that if I said anything to any grown-up, they would make me go on pills, or lock me up, or study me, or something.
At 16, I finally made a breakthrough in solving this problem. I was studying esoterism, and came across the description somewhere of the Astral creatures that live in between the waking and sleeping states. Creatures like sucubuses and incubuses (although I never saw anything I could define as either one of those), and more.
When I came to the realization that these creatures I was seeing during my sleep paralysis episodes might be actual Astral entities and not the result of early-onset Schizophrenia, I started thinking of ways I could ward off these entities. While doing so, I remembered my first experience with sleep paralysis, and how I was yanked out of my body and into the presence of the bright being of Light, and how secure and safe I felt in its presence. This gave me an idea.
Every night before going to sleep, I would imagine a white bright Light emanating from my center outwards, from my heart outwards. I would submerge myself in the feeling that I was surrounded by protective entities of light, that I was safe and secure in their bosom, that I was taken care of, and that nothing could harm me.
What I was doing was effectively replicating the feeling I had in the meeting with the great being of Light on his throne, the meeting that had saved me from my first experience with the night terrors. I would re-create that feeling within me and submerge myself in the imagination of the white Light for a long time… and then I would fall asleep.
I did this every night. At first, the night terrors and sleep paralysis continued, but after a few weeks of keeping up with this practice, the hallucinations gradually started wearing off, until they stopped completely, and my sleep paralysis disappeared. I kept up with that practice for a few months longer, as a safety measure, and then I stopped. The creatures didn’t come back.
I still get sleep paralysis about once a year (at most), but pretty much without any kind of hallucination.
Looking back on this experience, I know there are a variety of possibilities to explain what I was seeing. I could have been experiencing some form of atavistic clairvoyance. The creatures and everything else I saw could have just been part of my shadow self.
Or, as I thought when I was 16, they could be real astral entities fucking with my mind in that in-between state of consciousness, just because they could. Actual demons psychologically tormenting me for whatever reason.
Whatever it was, it’s long over, thank god.
If anyone here has gone through something similar, or has a kid that’s going through something similar… bear in mind, in case you want to try it, that what finally relieved my suffering from night terrors and sleep paralysis was imagining a bright white light emanating from the heart outwards before going to sleep every night, combined with a feeling of trust in the protection of the Higher Powers.